The Mystery of the Man with the Stange Mosquitoes
by DanielFactoid
Summary: [complete]Twinkies and Mulder, what else do I have to say?
1. Bitten

The X-Files Presents… The Mystery of the Man with the Strange Twinkie-Loving Mosquitoes"

This is pure random fluff. Based around Twinkies. I would have given you the Wheat Thin story, but I don't feel like typing it. Um, this isn't serious stuff. Un-betaed. Please. Volunteers.

Dedications: To Kathleen (yet again!) for being the first to read this and to Soy Sauce (the person)- let's go! Go blue Jell-O! Love ya all, 'specially the freaks!

Disclaimer: Don't own the X-Files.

Mulder rubbed his eyes and stared at his computer screen. This report was taking FOREVER! With a sigh, he got up from his chair and walked out into the warm summer night.

He was about to look for UFOs in the sky when a mosquito bit him on the right arm. He whacked it off, cursing.

The next instant, he had an overwhelming urge for a Twinkie…

(Opening Credits!)

"Agent Mulder, why are you eating a Twinkie?"

Skinner's voice cut through Mulder's visions of jumping through a Twinkie-covered meadow with his partner, Scully.

"I, uh… was hungry?" he said, unsure if this would be satisfactory.

Skinner frowned and Scully refrained from laughing. Skinner gave her a glare and continued, "Mulder, you've eaten five Twinkies in the past ten minutes. Your report has 'I am the number one Twinkie fan' all over it. You called Agent Scully 'Agent Non-Twinkie Face' when she disproved your idea of the missing girl being abducted by aliens. What's going on, Agent Mulder!"

Mulder had unwrapped his sixth Twinkie, "Hm?"

Scully turned to the somewhat angry Skinner, "Sir, I think I have a lead on the missing girl. There was some amateur footage of her walking into a house."

Skinner sighed, "Check it out, Scully."

Mulder was on Twinkie number seven.


	2. OHDEARGOD

Chapter Two

"Did you know that there are several kinds of Twinkies?"

Scully ground her teeth, "_Really!"_

"Yes, there's butterscotch, and cream-filled, and chocolate…"

Mulder had talked about nothing other than Twinkies for the past 20 minutes.

"My favorite are the cupcake ones with vanilla _and _chocolate icing. Can you believe that? Both! Ingenius!"

"We're here," Scully said shortly.

"Where?"

"The house we're supposed to investigate, Mulder. Haven't you been paying attention at all, or are you so absorbed in your Twinkies that you can't even notice what we're doing?"

Mulder slowly swallowed his Twinkie and got out of the car, muttering, "Agent Non-Twinkie Face…"

Scully sighed and slammed the car door shut. Following Mulder up the walkway, she checked for her gun in her right-hand pocket. Feeling its cold handle, she walked faster to catch up with Mulder, who was nearly running.

The next instant, they had walked into the unlocked house.

The two FBI agents weren't in the brightly lit house for five seconds when Mulder took a huge sniff. Turning to a frowning Scully, he yelled excitedly, "TWINKIES!"

He ran into the next room, laughing hysterically.

Scully tore after him, freaked out. What the hell was going on?

She entered the room Mulder had gone into, and was shocked to see three things: a humongous pile of Twinkies, Mulder, and the missing girl.

"What the, how did, what the!" she exclaimed.

"I can explain," a voice said from behind.

Scully turned and saw an old, wrinkled man with thick black bifocals looking wearily at the girl and Mulder (both were eating Twinkies), "Who are you!"

"I," the old man began, "Am Doctor Glucose Mosco Bledviel Zomble Boobleboppin. I am the reason these two are obsessed with Twinkies. You see, I created a super mosquito. Instead of drawing blood, it became addicted to Twinkies. It mated with a regular species of mosquitoes. This created a hybrid generation of mosquitoes. This generation depended on blood, but also carried the Twinkie gene."

"So, are you saying that these two are getting cavities because of your damn mosquitoes?" Scully demanded.

Doctor Glucose Mosco Bledviel Zomble Boobleboppin sighed, "Yes. But I can reverse the process with a simple antidote."

Scully was still a little a confused, "Why was the girl drawn here?"

The doctor shrugged, "The mosquito must have injected something into her, like an instinct that told her that there were plenty of Twinkies here."

"Did someone say Twinkies?" Mulder asked, butterscotch icing all over his hands.

Ten minutes later, Dr. Glucose Mosco Bledviel Zomble Boobleboppin had injected the antidote in the girl and was about to do the same to Mulder. As the needle entered Mulder's skin, he dropped his Twinkie. He finally felt normal.

He then had an overwhelming urge for spinach…


End file.
